State of Solitude: Part 1

I thank God for blessing me and surrounding me with friends who can really cook. Honestly. My girl friends and I recently had our first official Girls Night In and in between our platefuls of Jollof Rice, Chicken, Suya, Kelewele (Spicy Diced Plantains), Puff Puff (Bofrot), Brownies and Ice Cream Cake, we finally got the chance to gist. But before then, me, being the square peg in a round hole, had to have a panic attack and could not breathe. It was quite scary but we thank God for good friends who are in training to be medical doctors for resuscitating me!

Anyway, we all got in a circle and went around the room talking about our experiences thus far with boys/men (ya know, usual sleepover stuff) and I was just amazed at how "slick" some boys think they really are. Like, nah bruh, just because we let some things slide does not mean that we are blind.

Granted, maybe, and just maybe, we are the foolish ones for not confronting you from the jump but I speak for some of us when I say sometimes we just don't have the time and energy. Please, there are more important things to address than asking why your ex-girlfriend was lying on your bed because we know you will start playing the victim and give us some long story. Abeg oga please shift and save that story for someone else.

My thing is if you know that you are no longer interested in someone, why would you ever string them on? Why would you fill someone's mind and heart with all of your lies when you know good and well from the beginning that you are really not interested.

Granted your feelings towards someone may change, it happens, but the right thing to do is to tell them straight up instead of beating around the bush and wasting someone's precious time.

I was just really baffled listening to their stories. I swear some people really have no shame. None whatsoever.

How can you say that you are truly a child of God and yet do all these things? How do you even sleep at night knowing good and well that you have someone's heart in your hands and you're just toying with it. 

Are we playing a game? Cause we clearly missed the memo. Me, I just dey observe. 

And so is God. 

Sincerely,

Samuella 

Revealing the Soul

If you met me a couple of years ago you would know that I absolutely hated being photographed. The idea of standing in one spot for a few seconds and having another person take your picture and then looking at yourself just bothered me. Just like the concept of burgers and pizzas. Why would you ever put meat in between bread buns? Never understood that and I probably never will.

Anyway, taking pictures bothered me because for so long I hated looking at myself. I hated looking at myself in pictures, in mirrors, and I would constantly avoid places where I could see my reflection.

So you can imagine how shocked I was when I volunteered to do a shoot for my friend’s project. Yup! I thought to myself, "How hard can it possibly be? Samuella, just do the damn project!" So I met up with Faidah and she mentioned she would also ask a few questions to go along with the pictures. I was ready, I was hyped and then I saw the questions. In my mind I was just like, 

“AHN AHN, Auntie! Please, slow down na! All these questions!” 

I did not think it would be that deep but boy was I wrong! But in the end I enjoyed the shoot so much and her entire project so I decided to share it with the world. 

Here are a few pictures from the shoot and my responses to Faidah’s thought provoking questions:

What makes you feel vulnerable?

I'm extremely socially selective so when I get really close with someone I feel vulnerable because they get to know me inside and out and it's pretty scary because they can choose to either stay or walk away. So I guess just opening up to people makes me feel vulnerable.

What is your biggest fear?

My biggest fear is not being able to live up to my own expectations. I have a lot of dreams and aspirations so I am always thinking of how to turn those dreams into a reality. It would be an absolute shame if they do not come to fruition and that honestly scares me - so much.

Another big fear is not being able to experience this thing called "love" with that special someone. I've been told that I'm too much of a "lady" and that I set my standards too high. But no wahala, upon all the fishes in the sea I'm sure my own is just somewhere, chilling. He'll enter the ocean one of these days.

Tell me a happy memory.

So hard to choose! I'd have to say every time I bake and cook for my little brother. One time he told me, "Sammie, your fried rice is so good, you should teach these Chinese restaurants AND start a baking business!" That made me so happy and I always smile so hard whenever I get a cake order and a request to make my special fried rice for events.

What is love to you?

It might sound really cliche but love to me is when you can absolutely count on someone no matter what. We all have flaws but when you find that "someone" who is able to care and cherish you no matter what, that is love. And you would literally feel this thing called "love" because it will be so genuine.
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I highly recommend checking out her project: Revealing the Soul. You will thank me later.


Throughout this process I learned a lot about myself so when you see me shamelessly taking a selfie, please just allow me to be great. 

Sincerely,

Samuella